In August 2011, I found out I was pregnant with my third baby. I was only 4 weeks along, and was extremly happy when I read that positive pregnancy test. I shared with my boys and my husband all of which were happy as well. I went in for my ultrasound to confirm my due date at 7 weeks and found a strong heartrate of 164! In my heart I knew it was a girl!At 16 weeks I went in for my check up and my doctor’s office offers “sneak peek” ultrasounds beginning at 16 weeks. My heart was right I was having a GIRL! I was smitten! I shared with my boys and they were so excited to be having a little sister. At my 20 week anatomy ultrasound the sonogrpaher and my doctor told me everything looked great. I was so pleased. She didn’t even have a name until the week of Christmas. My huband and I went back and forth like many couples do. We finally agreed upon Lily Alice. It was fitting since she was going to be born in April.As my pregnancy progressed uncomplicated, I came closer to my scheduled c-section date I became more and more eager to meet her. I had to have a c-section because I had two prior. My oldest son became an emergant c-section because I was having a placental abruption. He is 10 years old, and HEALTHY! And my second child I just decided it would be safer to have a repeat c-section due to working in L&D and seeing so many things, I felt it to be a safer option. I even went to work 2 days before my scheduled c-section. On April 26, 2012 at 8:02 am Lily Alice was born into the world weighing 8lbs 1 oz, 20 in long. She didn’t cry, She had a strong heartrate, she was just a calm baby. I met her for the first time and cried tears of joy. She had big bright eyes and looked like her daddy. She was perfect in every way. The doctors and nurses all said she was perfect. They didn’t see any concerns. She was healthy, strong and happy.I took her home and we all loved her, her brothers always would kiss her, want to hold her and helped momma out with getting diapers, etc. She was breastfed and she felt comfort in laying next to us to sleep. She was a good eater. I held her close every chance I got.We took her on her first roadtrip when she was a month old to show her off to our family and friends up north. Everyone loved her.I went back to the doctor for my 6 week check up, all was well with me. My doctor told me how perfect she was, and I took her to work to show her off and weigh her. She was weighing in at 9lbs 15oz! I had to go back to work due to finances, so I turned in my paperwork to go back to work and went home. My first day back to work was hard. I was sad, but I knew she was in good hands with her daddy. When I got home I held her and spent the next 2 days with her since I was off work. (I work 12 hr shifts). On Thursday evening June 14, 2012, I fed her, kissed her and she smiled at me and started making cute baby noises. It melted my heart. I had to get her ready for bed, and myself ready for bed because I was supposed to work a 3 day weekend. She slept about 6 hours at night, because she was always wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. She didn’t want to miss anything, she always had to see what was going on. At around 4 am on June 15, 2012 I woke up to her moving around, it was time to eat again. I changed her, fed her and put a new outfit on her for the day. She fell back asleep and so did I. I woke up an hour and a half later to attempt to feed her again, and she was sleepy, so I just got up and got ready for work. It was a pretty steady day at work and I didn’t get a chance to express milk or eat lunch until late. I called to check in on my family. I had no answer from my husband. So I texted my oldest son asking if everything was ok. I got a response a little bit later from him saying “There is an ambulance outside and Josh (he calls him by his first name because this is his step-dad) won’t tell us what’s wrong” I immeditaly called my husband. He was in hysterics, I couldn’t even understand what he was saying to me. I heard a female voice in the background and she asked me if I was alone or with people. I demanded to know what was wrong. The medic then told me that my daughter passed away, they did everything they could do and she was gone. I asked if she had a heartbeat, and they told me no. I fell to my knees at work. I yelled my baby is gone. I ran around the corner to get my boss and tell her, my co-worker ran to her locker to get her keys and said, “I will drive you home” My boss and co-worker drove me to my house as fast as they could (It normally takes 40 min to drive from work to my house, it took 20) I told them they will not take her until I get there. My husband was taking a nap with her and woke up stroking her back asking her why she wasn’t hungry yet. He then found her stiff and blue. He called 911, who told my husband to do CPR. The first responder was an officer whom we were friends with in our small town. He took over CPR and told 911 he was taking over. She was gone. Our sweet angel was gone. I held her with my husband and I in hysterics and begged her to come back. We went in the house for questioning from the legal authorities, and Lily Alice was taken for an autopsy. We had to tell my boys she was gone. My oldest son burst into tears. My younger son just thought she was going to the hospital. We are still waiting to hear what her cause of death was. Lily was 7 weeks and 1 day old. She gained her wings too early and the pain is unbearable. I sleep with her picture at night, and her daddy carries her pacifier with him. We put up pictures in the house in her memory. We will never forget her short time she shared with us. She may be gone, but she will never be forgotten, she is now a beautiful butterfly. Momma, Daddy, Trystan and Joshua love you very much Lily.
-Tanya Gill