William (Bo) Hulsey
Life is more than a heartbeat or brainwaves. It is something that is far more important. It is an eternal condition. It is something God creates and only He is authorized to take. In His hands and His hands alone is the power to give life. Our children’s lives were formed by His hands and His hands alone. We are merely agents that have the privilege of being stewards of the lives of our children.
We often use the term “my kids” or “my child”, but the reality is that they are God’s little ones. We have merely been given the opportunity to shape them. Sometimes that opportunity is stripped from us by the death or other loss, such as a failed adoption, of a child. It rips the very fabric of our souls and sends us into a whirlwind of grief, anger, and sometimes rebellion against God.
We doubt God and ourselves. We start looking for reasons why. We question God’s love for us. We wonder what we did wrong. Many things happen during grief and all of them are normal. God sees our pain. He grieves with us and reaches out to us during this time through His Spirit because He wants us to turn to “the incomparable riches of His grace” (Eph. 2:7). He wants us to feed off of that grace which He has given us though Christ (Eph. 1:6) and know that we are loved and He is close even when He seems to be absent.
Shortly after we lost Isabella, doubt and anger crept in and set up housekeeping. I was angry at God for allowing her to die. I felt robbed of the pleasures and heartaches associated with fatherhood. I wanted God to leave me alone because I doubted His love for Heather and me. I was fed up with God and at times, accused Him of playing games with people’s lives.
I could not have been more wrong. I began to realize that God was using the death of our daughter to open up lines of communication with me. He wanted me to listen to His voice again and learn obedience. Like I’ve said before, He wanted me to rediscover my purpose and move toward it. I began to open my Bible again and discover who I was in God’s eyes and His intentions for my life.
Perhaps you are grieving a loss. It’s okay to grieve because God is allowing the pain to run its course. Anger, doubt, questions, and despondence are normal symptoms of loss. Turn to God and His people for comfort. If people say the wrong thing, simply smile and forgive them. It is unintentional because they do not know what to say. Trust God to heal you in time; His time. He will gently steer you through this by using those that care about you. It will be a tough trip, but you will get there.
We are happier now than we have been in a long time. Heather and I are experiencing a closeness and intimacy that we have never experienced in our marriage. God is not only working in our marriage, He is working in other areas of our lives. Losing Isabella was difficult and devastating, but the impact she made in our lives has changed everything. This is truly a “lemonade” moment. God has taken the lemon that was the loss of our daughter and made lemonade. How sweet it is!