By Jodi Weaver in memory of all her babies in Heaven

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on ever side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 (NIV)

There is a popular new game show on television that I am sure all of you have heard of called “Deal or No Deal”. We love to watch this show. Of course, we also love to sit there at home and tell the contestant what they should or should not do. We will be yelling, “No Deal….tell them no deal!” or “You are crazy…take the deal!” We have never been on the show, yet we think that we know what they should or should not do. How they should feel. Tom received an interactive DVD Deal or No Deal game for Christmas and we love playing it. It is easy to sit there at the house and “go all the way” when there is no real money involved….I even won $500,000 the other night….WOW.

I am sure you are thinking, what does that have to do with us? I was thinking about playing this game the other night and I realized that humans are the same with everything they do. Just like with the game, people love to tell you what you should do or what you should feel, when they have never experienced anything like what you are experiencing.  I have heard couples in the group say many times that someone has told them that they “should move on” or “should just get over it”. My question to them is, “have you ever lost a child?” Of course they haven’t or they wouldn’t be saying it.  It is easy to stand on the sidelines of grief and think you know what should be done. It is totally different when you are actually immersed in it. I have had friends that “thought” they went through the grief of losing the twins with me. They felt sad for me and for themselves, but they didn’t really grieve. Recently, I had a friend call me to tell me that her sister-in-law had just lost a full-term baby girl. She finally understood how it felt to actually lose a baby in her family and it was totally different than what she had experienced with me. I can’t tell you how many times I have experienced this in the 23 years since my first loss.

I would never wish the grief of losing a baby on anyone, but I wish that everyone could walk in my shoes for just one day. I wish that I could make them understand what it is like so they won’t be as apt to hurt with their words or actions.  Unfortunately, we cannot let people walk in our shoes, and we cannot control the words that they will speak or the hurt they will inflict.  What we can do is try to educate them with our actions and our words. We can invite them to attend group meetings with us or give them helpful information to read that might help them understand a little better, but until they actually experience the loss for themselves, they will never feel what we feel.

The other thing that I thought of after playing the game was the fact that God has given us a path to travel. He has given us the experience of losing a child to enable us to grow in Him and to use us to minister to others. The question He is asking us is “Deal or No Deal?” Will you tell Him “Deal”? Will you accept the challenge He has given you? Will you allow Him to grow you in an amazing new way? Will you allow Him to use you and the life of your precious baby to minister to others that will cross your path in the future? OR will you tell Him “No Deal” and allow the grief to fester and destroy everything in your life? Will you blame God for taking your baby or will you praise Him in spite of your pain? Will you try to make it on your own, telling God that you will go all the way without His help? Will you continue to strive for the pot at the end of the rainbow….never realizing that He is the treasure you have been seeking?

I hope and pray that all of us will tell Him “Deal” and allow Him to use us and the life of our precious babies in a great and mighty way. We may not see the evidence of this for years (if at all), but rest assured He will use them to bring Glory and Honor to Himself! As the New Year begins, make it your “New Years Resolution” to allow God to be Master and Savior in your life and to choose to say “I will take the deal Lord. I may not like it, but I will take it.”